Get Out

No, not Jordan Peele's horror amazing horror movie. Sorry if that's what you thought this was about, I can see how it could be a bit misleading. However, that movie came out over a year ago, and while I know I can be a bit behind the times, I'm not THAT bad.

No, I'm talking about Lazy Baby's developing linguistic capabilities. She's got a handle on "da da" and Mr. LL swears that she cries "mommy/mama" when I'm not around (though I cannot get her to call me mama to my face, sigh). She's working on "ball" these days. However, there are two PHRASES that she has down and uses with meaning and in the right context. The first is "what's that?" which we've been saying to her for her whole life, so I can see why she'd pick up on it. It is super adorable when she says it, too. She'll point to something and in a soft, breathy whisper she asks "wassat?" 

The other phrase that Lazy Baby has down is "get out." Smh. I didn't realize just HOW MUCH we say it in our house and never really to any of the humans living there, but almost always to the pets. Especially to our cat Cake, who likes to jump into LL's gated off play space. At first, we let this happen because Cake is super sweet and chill, the perfect pet to let LL practice interacting with the pets. But then Cake got a really bad flea problem so we would kick her out so wouldn't pick fleas off the baby. :| Then there's Bigby, our dog, who is always getting into something; the garbage, the litter boxes, anything edible that's left out. So we say "get out" or "get off" to him a lot, too. (Mei-mei, our fat fur baby is an absolute angel who never gets fussed at...except when she tries to steal food from your mouth). So, the past two weeks, LL has been saying "GEH-OW GEH-OW" and I suspected she was saying "get out" at first, but wasn't sure. Then my suspicions were confirmed when I was in her play room with her and Cake jumped over the gate. She toddled over to Cake and pushed her (gently) and said "GEH-OW GEH OW." Oh man. 

It slightly bothers me that we apparently say "get out" more in her presence than she hears "I love you." I've started to say "I love you" every time she gives me a hug, which these days is every five minutes. I'm hoping she'll pick up on that soon.

To my other parents out there, were there any funny/odd/unique first words with your children? Let me know in the comments.

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Real Talk: You aren't as self-less as you think you are

This Mother's Day, I asked Mr. LL to just let me sleep in. That was all I wanted, to sleep for as long as I damn well wanted (which, every time I ask for this, I still end up getting up by 8 at the latest, but I was determined to sleep to 10 this time). Life had other plans. Lazy Baby woke up SCREAMING around 3:30 am, when Mr. LL was just coming to bed (we had stayed up to watch Black Panther with a friend and he had to drive the guy back home, then got distracted by his computer game when he got back). She felt like she was burning up, but she didn't have a fever. I changed her diaper and started sobbing as I changed her out of her pjs and into just a pair of shorts (because she WILL rip her diaper off). We gave her some Motrin and Mr. LL took her to the living room to watch Sesame Street to soothe her back to sleep. I slept in the bed but could hear her crying up front so I didn't sleep very well. 6:30 rolls around and I get up and relieve my very tired and frustrated husband, letting him go to bed for a couple of hours. I felt sorry for myself and my lost gift of sleep, but I had a little one who needed extra snuggles and love, and needed breakfast and a diaper change and someone to play with her.

When she finally went down for a nap (a three hour nap), I was holding her for a moment before putting her in her crib and I took the photo at the start of this post. I had been inwardly pouting about not getting the Mother's Day gift I wanted, still, and as my baby fell asleep in my arms, my brain shook me out it with the reminder: You wouldn't even be a mother if it weren't for this little one, and right now she needs you more than you need a couple extra hours of sleep.

Parenthood teaches you to be selfless. You may have thought you were pretty selfless before children, but you weren't. I'm standing by this blanket statement. You weren't. And until you destroy your body, lose your sleep and self-respect, put everything on hold until further notice so you can give your child the love, support, shelter, food and everything else she needs, you aren't as selfless as you thought you were. Having a child, you genuinely put the needs of this other person above your own and your partner's and pretty much anyone else, tbh. 

I'm not saying you are selfish or that you ever were, but there is something about being a parent that really turns a switch in you and while it is very hard, you still love that little person more than anything and anyone in the world. You may feel sorry for yourself and you may feel like you can't do this or you won't make it, but that little smile, those snuggles and you are back to thinking that this is so worth it.

Real Talk: What I REALLY Want for Mother's Day

What I really want for Mother’s Day is to find healthy foods that my baby will eat . I want her to stop having ear infections. I want to be able to know that I’m going to get a good nights sleep and not go to bed with the anxiety that she'll wake up in the middle of the night. I want to feel like I accomplished something at the end of the day, because even though I do a million things I still fill like there are a million more things to do.

I want someone to tell me I’m doing a good job as a mom. I want to not feel like I’m winging it all the time. I want to know that what I’m doing is best for her, or at the very least the best that I can do. Sometimes my best just doesn't seem good enough.

I want to have less moments of self-doubt and stop stressing myself sick. I want to be able to control my temper when everything is falling apart.

I just want to be the best mom I can be for Mother’s Day.